What is my motivation? Like, do I really have any?

That may seem funny I guess, but I said it was about honesty right?

My motivations… I’m sure I will keep editing this list, but here goes…

  1. To feel better with my family and friends when out in public.  My kids don’t feel ashamed of me anymore.  I know they used to.  Kudos to them for growing out of that.  Kudos to me too I guess.
  2. I never feel like my clothes look good on me at this weight.  And I work from home, so most of my clothing is about comfort, not style.  I’d like to feel like shopping for clothes is something enjoyable again…instead of just a necessity.
  3. To feel lighter.  Have you ever stood on the scale and pressed against the counter top or pulled on the towel bar to see what it would feel like to be _ _ lbs lighter?  Yeah, me too.  My feet loved that.  I’m sure my joints would too.
  4. To get rid of this round pumpkin face.  Then I can get a hair style instead of a hair cut.
  5. Were my eyes always so squinty and small in pictures?  No they weren’t.  I want to see my eyes again.
  6. “That” list of people that look down on me.  We all have that list.  Exes, former classmates that bullied us about our weight, whatever.  Childish, but seriously, who can’t put that on their list?
  7. My mom.  While I HATE the fact that she brings it up whenever I’m visiting, I know it’s a concern for her, and she wants to see me happy.  She’s already lost one of her kids to lung cancer, and although I don’t smoke, she’s worried about my health.  I’m the youngest of five and my sister is 13 years older than me.  My mom is getting up there in years too.  Many of my classmates have already lost one or both parents.  It’s a gift I’d love to give her.  But I also find I can’t use her as a main motivation, because the guilt sends me off to the store for the wrong kind of comfort.
  8. I’m single.  I don’t mind being single actually.  Most of the time.  lol  I enjoy private time.  When I want to go out on a date though, I’m stumped for options.  I’d like that to change.  No, I don’t mean sex.  Finding someone who wants sex is easy.  It’s the other stuff I miss sometimes.

Uh oh…looks like I’m going to go off on a tangent for a bit….

I know, screw them if they are so shallow they can’t appreciate me for who I am.  Reality check.  I work from home.  lol  I don’t like clubs and I don’t dance.  So unless my friends want to fix me up with someone, it’s the online dating world for me.  Looks matter.  The personality will win them over, sure, but there are very few that will check the “body type doesn’t matter” box, and those that do are looking for booty calls, not  creating a foundation of friendship and romance.  So the online dating scene is tedious.   Ok ok, …maybe I’ll join some groups or take some classes or something.

Can someone tell me why everyone on dating sites want to meet like right NOW.  When I finally hit a profile that makes me go “hmmm…” I like throwing a few messages back and forth to get a clue about their personality and sense of humor first.  They don’t seem to care.  I don’t get it.  I don’t want to be smiling sweetly looking for the first opportunity to slip out the back door.  I want to know if there’s some sort of connection first.  Am I old fashioned?  Don’t answer that.  I know the answer.  But I’m ok with it.

Ok, back to the list.

9.   To be able to run again.  Without my knees hurting, or running out of breath in 5 seconds.
1o. To be able to climb a flight of stairs at a normal pace without hyperventilating.
11. To be able to go hiking…and other physical stuff with friends.  Zip lining, etc.12. To be able to sit in an airplane seat, without an extension, and not have to feel I’m doing isometrics for the whole flight in order not to invade the space of the person next to me.

Ok there’s a nice start to the list, of which I’m sure I will come back and edit.  But in looking it over, there’s nothing there that’s really screaming at me….you know like when you attend a rally and it pumps you up to do something.

So….those are really benefits to losing weight.  But they are only slightly motivational for me.  So what is going to get me over the hurdle?

 

 

 

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