My Journey To Find A Weight Loss Solution

Seriously…. Aargh!    I’m #&%tysomething years old and I am still seriously weight.  5’7″ (if I stretch the tape measure really tight) and 300 lbs. if I weigh in the morning nude after coffee and….well..you know.   I’m sure there’s plenty out there who can relate.

I have to be honest with myself.  I want the scale to start moving down in numbers, but I lack the ambition, self control, will power, or whatever it is that drives a person to make the hard choices.  So….why the hell am I here doing this?  I don’t know.  I may shut it all down next week.  Or….I might find something that works.

In every weight loss plan I’ve joined there has been a sideline support group which I avoided like the plague.  I don’t need the guilt, or to feel bad when I “cheated” or I just freaking took a week off from the whole dieting thing.  I realize most people are supportive, but I just don’t get anything but feelings of shame from people who do the “Oh hey girl, better luck tomorrow, or next week.”

I have lost weight on Medi programs out there (I was down to 228 once…omg how did I do that), and I gained it right back after I got away from the tasteless and expensive boxes of “food” that came.  I have friends that have joined the more expensive prepared meal programs, but they couldn’t afford to stay on them.

I joined a work out club with a friend, and I have to say, I wouldn’t go except for the fact she drives over and picks me up.  And she probably doesn’t go except for the fact she feels obligated to pick me up… lol  But it works for us.  We have a set schedule, and we follow it, adapt it over time, and we feel better afterwards.  On the first session when we met with the trainer, I flat out said “I’m not here to lose weight. I just want to keep from losing any more muscle.”  He seemed relieved to hear that.  I already knew that changing my food habits is what is going to make the scale move in the direction I fantasize about.

I don’t care if I lose it fast, I just want to lose it.  It can’t be expensive because I don’t have a lot of money.  And I don’t want to suffer with foods I can’t stand.  I don’t want to eat bland pre packaged meals and be dying for fresh food at night.  Ok…there’s a lot of stuff I don’t want.  I realize I sound like a total baby too.   So again, why am I here?

Because I know it’s possible.  With baby steps.  With research.  With a plan that I can adapt over time.  With asking questions.  With being really honest with myself.   OMG, the sun just streamed through the curtains when I wrote that….lol  where’s the cameras?

Oh…did I mention…I really hate cooking?   Yeah, I have some hurdles ahead.

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